The Desperately Hungry Caterpillar

The other morning I was sitting with my daughter engaged in the facade of toilet training and she asked me to read "The Very Hungry Caterpillar," a well-known, modern classic by Eric Carle. I like the format of the book and the broad strokes in the paintings that allow such a range of color in each picture. I was anxiously looking forward to the very last painting in the book, the one where the caterpillar had turned into a beautiful butterfly of a million colors.

Well, a few pages before this transformation the caterpillar eats through a green leaf to settle his stomach before chrysalising. We then turn the page to where Carle depicted a large brown cocoon. To me, it's obvious what it is. I even told my daughter what it was about a hundred times, but that morning, she asked me something that I didn't expect, "Why is the caterpillar eating that poop?" as she pointed to the image on the right side, and laughed.



I seriously could not stop laughing. I had never thought of it as a poop before and I usually think of everything as poop or some other disgusting object. I was surprised at her odd little sense of humor. I was strangely proud of her.

It will never top hearing my son telling his uncle to "change his tampon," but it definitely is in the top ten.

Love to YOU.

My Babies...

Are having birthdays this weekend! Yay! My Richie's turning 37 (um, yikes) and my Maddy's turning 3. I already baked Richie's chocolate chip cheesecake and I have a double (or doobley) layer cake to make Saturday night. I'm not so great at baking boxed stuff. I think I do better just making it up as I go along.

Maddy's having an Aladdin party (yes, ALADDIN, not Jasmine). So I'm going to just plop her action figures on top of a huge pile of whipped cream and act like they're flying through the clouds on the carpet. I don't have the time to try and make a carpet, although I had some cool ideas for one. I also wanted to make a lamp shaped pinata, but we decided to keep it all low key this year. On the flip side, the girl's getting a trampoline for her birthday (she's going to share it with the rest of us, I'm telling you now). I can't wait to lie on top of the trampoline with my hubs and stare at the stars. We're thinking of installing citronella torches all around it so the kids can jump well beyond dusk. Good times...

I love you all, but most of all, YOU.

Time is like a roll of toilet paper...the kids are growing up so fast. My son's almost in high school and my daughter's almost out of diapers (hopefully?). I look forward to every age with my kids. I know there'll always be something unexpected, delightful and horrifying.

I like to live with blinders on, but when I happened upon a conversation my son was having with his cousin, I was blind-sided. I heard my son call my nephew "nutless." And in response, my nephew told my son that he had a small "d*ck." His retort was, "Well, at least I have one." I have to admit, once I caught my breath from being appalled, I was kind of proud of my son's comeback.

I know that every kid experiments with the peer vernacular, and my impressionable son's no exception. I know there are worse things he could be doing at the age of thirteen. I also remember my friend Chrissy teaching me how to flip someone off, demonstrating this skill on Candice Scoville at the age of 11. I also remember lacking the coordination to keep the index and ring finger in a prostrate position, so I pinned them down with my left hand, completely embarrassing Chrissy and obliterating what little street cred she had in her neighborhood. So, he could be doing worse.

Maddy's vocabulary, on the other hand, has been a little more lovely and lilting. She sprinkles "my mama" and "my daddy" on the end of her sentences. It's so darling the way her little voice peaks on the second syllable of mama. I really would like to think she does it out of love, but in all honesty, I think she figured out how to work the system. You catch more bees with honey. This bee's all about the honey...I fall for it everytime, a willing victim to her manipulation.

I love you all...

A Long Overdue Apology

Dear Blogger,

I'm sorry I've been ignoring you lately. It's not because you're not worthwhile. I just haven't had as much time. I've been busy on my vacation eating bon bons and watching TV. I'll get back to you soon and shower you with the love you so eagerly need.

Very Truly Yours

Buzz

p.s. I'm yours forever, with all my heart.

Catchyouup...

That's how Maddy says ketchup now. It's cute as hell. There's been a lot of things going on lately and I haven't really been writing. Lots of family trauma and drama. All I can say is, "Let the healing begin." More than ever, I realize that I can't feel better without my family. I went on a short trip to my sister's. It was good to see everyone and I love them all to death, but I missed my own family more than I ever thought I would. Thankfully, I was busy most of the time. I literally got homesick on the last day and drove home with a fever, fatigue and achiness.

On a happier note, (and knock on wood) our immediate family is in relatively good health and our spirits are staying strong amidst the tumult. We have our down times (especially me), but they never last too long, thankfully. I think I snap out of it because of the realization that aside from some of the terrible stuff that has happened recently that I have absolutely no control over, that my own personal life is amazing and I know I'm blessed with family and friends.

This catchup is brief because I have a two year, nine month old gorgeous daughter who wants me to watch "Stuart Little" with her, although I want to mention some of the other cute things she's been saying lately:

"Actually..." (for a while she would say, "Actually, Aladdin's a girl.")
"I've had a wonderful time."
"Probably."
"Maybe."
"Beautiful."
"We'll see."
"Hello, my baby."
"Wanna go look at kitty cats?"
"Buzzy." calls from her room after she wakes up.
"No, just _____."

Most of those she got from us. The first one, we're not sure where it came from. I assume Aladdin, since she's been obsessed with that movie for over a month (thanks, aunt cuckoo).

She's also into Little Einstein's and Mickey Mouse Club House, looking at kitty cats with Daddad.

Luckily, Sasa is doing fairly well. His blood sugars are pretty stable (but a little higher than I want them to be) His grades are all Cs or better and he's still my boy and the older he gets, the more we relate and talk about weighty subjects (run-on much?). A couple of weeks ago, we had a long conversation about death (brought on by thinking of Uncle David's death and fearing the death of his own parents, and most likely himself). He asked me what I thought happened after we die and I told him basically that I don't know, but I want to assume that in some capacity I am going to feel the people that I love. I pray that there is some sort of physical memory that transcends time, space, dimensions. I can't believe this would be all for nothing. That's where the fear stems from.

I'm so glad he feels comfortable with me. He tells me things he would tell nobody. I'm glad that we have the kind of relationship we do. Some people say that your kids can't be your friends, but what else could they be. It's not like you can't establish boundaries in a friendship. Anyone I love, want to spend time with and miss when they are gone, I consider a friend. He is definitely one of the best ones I have.

Now to the best ever...I love you. Thank you for this life.

To Whom it May Concern:

In case you're reading this...I love you more than you'll ever know

This Pretty Much Sums it Up for Me...

I love you all!

My Husband Rocks

My husband will do anything for his family. He's friggin' amazing. He convinced his company to donate money to the cause that means the most to us: the JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation). There are so many amazing advances in finding the cure. I feel like it's just around the corner which would mean the world to my son, who is turning thirteen tomorrow and has been managing this disease for a little over a year. It would also mean the world to me since he is my world. I love him so much and I love my husband (and Sage Software for their donation - thanks to Carrie Geib for accepting the donation request and submitting it!). The day I don't have to see my son stick needles in his body anymore will be the best day of my life!

Love to all...but especially to you.

The Siren

Maddy's been singing up a storm. Here's a list of songs she knows:
If you're happy and you know it
Jingle Bells
Doing the Blue
Ba-Ba-Bamba (kinda, but not really)
The ABC Song
Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star (easier when you already know the ABC tune)
Peas, Peas, Peas
Bananas, Bananas
Hey, Diddle Diddle
and part of the White Stripe's "I Just Don't Know What to Do With Myself"
C is for Cookie
The Bert and Ernie song, "La La La La"
Jingle Bells
Knock on the door...peek in...

I know I'm missing some songs. Daddy, can you HASU?

This past weekend was a blast. Sasa had his best friend over and they went to Sunsplash. They played with the XMods that Ryan's mom bought and swam. Sasa was relentless, asking Ryan to race his XMod every five seconds. Eventually, Ryan gives in. He's a very accomodating kid. He's one of six kids in his household. I'm glad Sasa has him as a friend.

I love you with every single cell...

Baked Alaska

Here we are, roughly a month after our Alaskan cruise. I haven't done much updating because I'm on fire with bead fever and I'm melting in this heat (about 108 degrees). I miss the Mendenhall Glacier. I wish I had had time with Richie to just sit for twenty minutes and cuddle with him and stare at all the blue and green and white. I miss every inch of Alaska and Canada. I even miss Sasa pretending to not hear me on the walkie. I even miss chasing after Maddy (although, Richie was the one who did most of the work walking her up and down countless flights of stairs). I miss seeing Sasa's skinny little body through the window of the glass elevator. I miss dancing to cheesy ballads from the seventies with my sexy husband in the swingers' lounge. When can we go back?

By the way, your daughter said, "I want Mama and Daddy." Isn't that a bittersweet Monday expression?

Isn't He Lovely?

I forgot to mention that we went to Sasa's Renaissance Day at his school on May 26th and had a good time. It was great watching the kids have fun with the lines or smile because they were really nervous. Sasa actually did pretty well considering the large group of peers and parents who were watching. He had two parts: Flute as Thisby and Lysander. He was dashing. I'll post pictures later when blogger.com isn't being as pissy.

I love you and we are going to alaska in four more days! Unfreakin' believable.

Now I know my ABCs.

This morning, my daughter and I went through our morning routine which consists of eating breakfast, watching some educational television and then heading to my bathroom so I can get ready for the day. As I get ready for the day, I play music that wakes us up and makes us want to dance. Normally, I play Luscious Jackson's Electric Honey cd, but today, it was Madonna's GHV2. I was brushing my teeth and trying to keep an eye on my daughter in the mirror on my closet door. She was dancing to the beat and I hurried getting ready for the day, dancing as I put my clothes on. I was putting my socks on when my daughter comes over to me and sings along with the music, "Erotic, erotic...hands ahm body." It's not bad enough that last night when she was dancing in front of the mirror, my husband and I witnessed her doing a move that was straight outta the gentlemen's club. Gotta start 'em early. Thanks for the inspiration, Madonna.

Later this morning, we were having snack out on the patio. She brought her stuffed grey kitten and put her on the table. I tore off pieces of blueberry waffle and handed them to Maddy, which in turn she shared with her kitten. I gave her kudos for sharing, but I wanted to see if she would share with a human as willingly as she would with an inanimate object (one that she knew wouldn't actually eat the food). I asked her to share a bite with me. She ignored my request and shared again with her kitten. I said, "That's good to share with your kitty, but can you please let Mama have a bite of waffle?" She hastily put the waffle in her mouth and I put on my fake pouty face and said, "You don't want to share with Mama, that's too bad." At this, she looked at me, stopped chewing her waffle and pulled what was left in her mouth out and handed it to me. She's a good girl.

I love you...always...

I'm All About You

Here is a response I wrote to an old elementary school friend's question, "What are you about?":

When my children laugh, especially when I make them laugh. Hearing my 12 year old son tell a joke about a used tampon. Walking on the ocean with my husband. It is the one place that revives us. It is our temple. It is where we got married and where we'll be buried. We're both water signs. Hearing my 12 year old son tell a joke about testicles. Taking my kids places that I went to when I was a kid and reliving it with them. Comparing the size of my two year old to a two thousand year old sequoia. I know, I sound like a hippie. Granola-cruncher. Looking into my husband's eyes until we both start crying because that's the only way we both can say how much we really love each other. Words sound cheesy. These words I'm typing sound cheesy, but this is a little of what I'm about.

Ain't No Walk in the Park

The park itself was fun. She didn't even throw a fit when we had to leave. It was when we got home that she sang her national anthem, "Carry You" and stood on the sidewalk IN FRONT of our neighbors' house screaming her bright red lungs out. I didn't give in. I knew that if someone called CPS that whomever they sent out would go, "Nuh uh, honey. You got two feet. You can walk," which was what I precisely told her. She finally hustled in the house when I opened the front door and walked in out of her view. I could see her through the blinds, bawling and running up the driveway, her face shimmering with snot and tears. Needless to say, it was early naptime today.

No worries, my love.

The Sky's the Limit

Today Maddy was talking about Sasa saying, "I You, Sasa Boo," and pointing out the window at a kid on his bike and saying, "Sasa!" Obviously she misses him as we all do, but she doesn't understand why Sasa's gone.

I told Maddy the other day that she is my daughter and Sasa is my son. Today she said, "Maddy's a daughter," and I said, "Yes, you are my daughter and you are Daddy's daughter and Sasa is our son."

Then she said, "Sasa's a sun Maddy's a moon."

How beautiful is that?

I love you always...

The Inventors

• Last night was beautiful when we watched the airplanes fly by and the stars set in the sky. The black silhouette of you and Madeline cut out against the dark blue background. You eskimo kissed and I cried a little. The only thing missing was Sasa Boo.

We also saw "helicrackers", but it was too dark to see any "rainbones". (Madeline Furry, 2006)

• Maddy and I spent two hours outside this morning by walking and sitting on the bench. It was nice. She loves it and she can sit for a long time with little maintenance. She likes the birds the best. There are two pidgeons (owls) that are building a nest in the tree in front of our house. She was fascinated with their activity. I told them that they were going to have a baby. She knows about nests. I told her that our house is her nest and that she's our baby bird. It seemed really poignant at the time, but as I write this, it seems more sappy than anything.

I love you with all of my heart...

Seeing Double...

I got so lucky with you guys. I'm thricely blessed.

You guys are my triple rainbow.

I can't wait for Alaska. Let's try some salmon, even though we're not fish people (actually, you and Mabs are). Let's do karaoke on the boat. Let's take turns carrying Maddy up hiking trails to see amazing vistas.

I can't wait to see the rest of the world with you. This picture was taken in Hawaii. How does that sound? The Bahamas would be nice, too. :)

I love you, always...

Peas, Peas, Peas...

It was another day of resistance from Madeline. She sat with her head turned to one side as if she was trying to smell the fabric of the chair cover. She would leer at me whenever I'd manuever the spoon near her face. Then she said what every parent hates to hear, "No." And then she would turn her head the other direction. She's got some resolve, I'll tell you.

She's turned into a picky eater. Maybe I've made her one with the incessant mac and cheese and quesadillas. I think if she ever sees another canned pea again, she'll go Regan on me. I don't blame her. This is what her lunch looked like on Monday. Or was it Tuesday?

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

Latest and Greatest: Maddy's Latest Words and Phrases

Bless you - she says this regarding anything from an actual sneeze to a throat clearing. She just wants to cover all the bases. If we forget to say "bless you" after she sneezes, she tells us about it.

Excuse me (or Fifi, as she pronounces it) - For when she farts and burps. She is also good about reminding others to excuse themselves.

An oldie, but a goodie is:

Truck (only she pronounces it as "CRAP") - A side story about this word: the morning of Richie's 36th birthday, I was recording a message for him on Maddy's 1st Birthday Bear. I started to sing the Happy Birthday song, which Maddy knows part of, when a truck drove by. She was so excited by the truck, that she shouted "Crap," while it was still recording. We clipped the wires on that bear so it couldn't be recorded over. She laughs every time she plays it because of how hard Sasa, Daddy and I laughed when I played it for them the first time.

God, I love this family. Thank you.

I love you, too...