Today is the day my grandmother died 12 years ago. I'm not overly sad today. I actually think about her everyday and I've been trying to focus on the positive things that she did for me. She did a lot. The negative things are irrelevant considering the life I have now. Sometimes the negative memories surface and I have to think about what she was dealing with: six (sometimes unruly, sometimes ungrateful, sometimes insolent) grandkids, hardly any outside help, rheumatioid arthritis, an alcoholic/dead daughter, an ailing/dead mother, an alcoholic/dead brother (whom she seemed close to), a custody battle for a child that seemed not much worth keeping at times, and continuous financial desperation. Geez, what a life. She took it all in stride and later, when I was older, her and I began to relate to her in a way that I had envied the others for my whole life. It was great, and then she died. This is life.
I miss her, but I always have her with me. She is part of me.
I'm on a posting every couple of weeks kick. There's a lot to write, but I haven't been feeling very prolific lately. Maybe it's the sad news on the homefront. Relatives with health issues. More reasons to be sad, but thankful at the same time.
It's frustrating when you want the best things for people, to see them get less. Sometimes it's not their fault. Sometimes they just are tired and settle for something less than they deserve. Sometimes they think they don't deserve anything good. That's my family's curse, I'm afraid.
Anyway, enough negativity. There is always hope. My life is filled with it thanks to Richie and the kids. They are my (as cliched as it is) beacon. A guiding light when everything around me gets dark. Thank you for your love, support and understanding (aka forgiving my witchy demeanor).
I love you all.
