Friday, December 08, 2006

Catchyouup...

That's how Maddy says ketchup now. It's cute as hell. There's been a lot of things going on lately and I haven't really been writing. Lots of family trauma and drama. All I can say is, "Let the healing begin." More than ever, I realize that I can't feel better without my family. I went on a short trip to my sister's. It was good to see everyone and I love them all to death, but I missed my own family more than I ever thought I would. Thankfully, I was busy most of the time. I literally got homesick on the last day and drove home with a fever, fatigue and achiness.

On a happier note, (and knock on wood) our immediate family is in relatively good health and our spirits are staying strong amidst the tumult. We have our down times (especially me), but they never last too long, thankfully. I think I snap out of it because of the realization that aside from some of the terrible stuff that has happened recently that I have absolutely no control over, that my own personal life is amazing and I know I'm blessed with family and friends.

This catchup is brief because I have a two year, nine month old gorgeous daughter who wants me to watch "Stuart Little" with her, although I want to mention some of the other cute things she's been saying lately:

"Actually..." (for a while she would say, "Actually, Aladdin's a girl.")
"I've had a wonderful time."
"Probably."
"Maybe."
"Beautiful."
"We'll see."
"Hello, my baby."
"Wanna go look at kitty cats?"
"Buzzy." calls from her room after she wakes up.
"No, just _____."

Most of those she got from us. The first one, we're not sure where it came from. I assume Aladdin, since she's been obsessed with that movie for over a month (thanks, aunt cuckoo).

She's also into Little Einstein's and Mickey Mouse Club House, looking at kitty cats with Daddad.

Luckily, Sasa is doing fairly well. His blood sugars are pretty stable (but a little higher than I want them to be) His grades are all Cs or better and he's still my boy and the older he gets, the more we relate and talk about weighty subjects (run-on much?). A couple of weeks ago, we had a long conversation about death (brought on by thinking of Uncle David's death and fearing the death of his own parents, and most likely himself). He asked me what I thought happened after we die and I told him basically that I don't know, but I want to assume that in some capacity I am going to feel the people that I love. I pray that there is some sort of physical memory that transcends time, space, dimensions. I can't believe this would be all for nothing. That's where the fear stems from.

I'm so glad he feels comfortable with me. He tells me things he would tell nobody. I'm glad that we have the kind of relationship we do. Some people say that your kids can't be your friends, but what else could they be. It's not like you can't establish boundaries in a friendship. Anyone I love, want to spend time with and miss when they are gone, I consider a friend. He is definitely one of the best ones I have.

Now to the best ever...I love you. Thank you for this life.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

To Whom it May Concern:

In case you're reading this...I love you more than you'll ever know

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Monday, August 07, 2006

My Husband Rocks



My husband will do anything for his family. He's friggin' amazing. He convinced his company to donate money to the cause that means the most to us: the JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation). There are so many amazing advances in finding the cure. I feel like it's just around the corner which would mean the world to my son, who is turning thirteen tomorrow and has been managing this disease for a little over a year. It would also mean the world to me since he is my world. I love him so much and I love my husband (and Sage Software for their donation - thanks to Carrie Geib for accepting the donation request and submitting it!). The day I don't have to see my son stick needles in his body anymore will be the best day of my life!

Love to all...but especially to you.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

The Siren

Maddy's been singing up a storm. Here's a list of songs she knows:
If you're happy and you know it
Jingle Bells
Doing the Blue
Ba-Ba-Bamba (kinda, but not really)
The ABC Song
Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star (easier when you already know the ABC tune)
Peas, Peas, Peas
Bananas, Bananas
Hey, Diddle Diddle
and part of the White Stripe's "I Just Don't Know What to Do With Myself"
C is for Cookie
The Bert and Ernie song, "La La La La"
Jingle Bells
Knock on the door...peek in...

I know I'm missing some songs. Daddy, can you HASU?

This past weekend was a blast. Sasa had his best friend over and they went to Sunsplash. They played with the XMods that Ryan's mom bought and swam. Sasa was relentless, asking Ryan to race his XMod every five seconds. Eventually, Ryan gives in. He's a very accomodating kid. He's one of six kids in his household. I'm glad Sasa has him as a friend.

I love you with every single cell...

Monday, July 10, 2006

Baked Alaska


Here we are, roughly a month after our Alaskan cruise. I haven't done much updating because I'm on fire with bead fever and I'm melting in this heat (about 108 degrees). I miss the Mendenhall Glacier. I wish I had had time with Richie to just sit for twenty minutes and cuddle with him and stare at all the blue and green and white. I miss every inch of Alaska and Canada. I even miss Sasa pretending to not hear me on the walkie. I even miss chasing after Maddy (although, Richie was the one who did most of the work walking her up and down countless flights of stairs). I miss seeing Sasa's skinny little body through the window of the glass elevator. I miss dancing to cheesy ballads from the seventies with my sexy husband in the swingers' lounge. When can we go back?
By the way, your daughter said, "I want Mama and Daddy." Isn't that a bittersweet Monday expression?

Monday, June 05, 2006

Isn't He Lovely?


I forgot to mention that we went to Sasa's Renaissance Day at his school on May 26th and had a good time. It was great watching the kids have fun with the lines or smile because they were really nervous. Sasa actually did pretty well considering the large group of peers and parents who were watching. He had two parts: Flute as Thisby and Lysander. He was dashing. I'll post pictures later when blogger.com isn't being as pissy.
I love you and we are going to alaska in four more days! Unfreakin' believable.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Now I know my ABCs.

This morning, my daughter and I went through our morning routine which consists of eating breakfast, watching some educational television and then heading to my bathroom so I can get ready for the day. As I get ready for the day, I play music that wakes us up and makes us want to dance. Normally, I play Luscious Jackson's Electric Honey cd, but today, it was Madonna's GHV2. I was brushing my teeth and trying to keep an eye on my daughter in the mirror on my closet door. She was dancing to the beat and I hurried getting ready for the day, dancing as I put my clothes on. I was putting my socks on when my daughter comes over to me and sings along with the music, "Erotic, erotic...hands ahm body." It's not bad enough that last night when she was dancing in front of the mirror, my husband and I witnessed her doing a move that was straight outta the gentlemen's club. Gotta start 'em early. Thanks for the inspiration, Madonna.

Later this morning, we were having snack out on the patio. She brought her stuffed grey kitten and put her on the table. I tore off pieces of blueberry waffle and handed them to Maddy, which in turn she shared with her kitten. I gave her kudos for sharing, but I wanted to see if she would share with a human as willingly as she would with an inanimate object (one that she knew wouldn't actually eat the food). I asked her to share a bite with me. She ignored my request and shared again with her kitten. I said, "That's good to share with your kitty, but can you please let Mama have a bite of waffle?" She hastily put the waffle in her mouth and I put on my fake pouty face and said, "You don't want to share with Mama, that's too bad." At this, she looked at me, stopped chewing her waffle and pulled what was left in her mouth out and handed it to me. She's a good girl.

I love you...always...

Friday, May 12, 2006

I'm All About You

Here is a response I wrote to an old elementary school friend's question, "What are you about?":
When my children laugh, especially when I make them laugh. Hearing my 12 year old son tell a joke about a used tampon. Walking on the ocean with my husband. It is the one place that revives us. It is our temple. It is where we got married and where we'll be buried. We're both water signs. Hearing my 12 year old son tell a joke about testicles. Taking my kids places that I went to when I was a kid and reliving it with them. Comparing the size of my two year old to a two thousand year old sequoia. I know, I sound like a hippie. Granola-cruncher. Looking into my husband's eyes until we both start crying because that's the only way we both can say how much we really love each other. Words sound cheesy. These words I'm typing sound cheesy, but this is a little of what I'm about.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Ain't No Walk in the Park

The park itself was fun. She didn't even throw a fit when we had to leave. It was when we got home that she sang her national anthem, "Carry You" and stood on the sidewalk IN FRONT of our neighbors' house screaming her bright red lungs out. I didn't give in. I knew that if someone called CPS that whomever they sent out would go, "Nuh uh, honey. You got two feet. You can walk," which was what I precisely told her. She finally hustled in the house when I opened the front door and walked in out of her view. I could see her through the blinds, bawling and running up the driveway, her face shimmering with snot and tears. Needless to say, it was early naptime today.
No worries, my love.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

The Sky's the Limit

Today Maddy was talking about Sasa saying, "I You, Sasa Boo," and pointing out the window at a kid on his bike and saying, "Sasa!" Obviously she misses him as we all do, but she doesn't understand why Sasa's gone.
I told Maddy the other day that she is my daughter and Sasa is my son. Today she said, "Maddy's a daughter," and I said, "Yes, you are my daughter and you are Daddy's daughter and Sasa is our son."
Then she said, "Sasa's a sun Maddy's a moon."
How beautiful is that?
I love you always...

Friday, April 21, 2006

The Inventors

  • Last night was beautiful when we watched the airplanes fly by and the stars set in the sky. The black silhouette of you and Madeline cut out against the dark blue background. You eskimo kissed and I cried a little. The only thing missing was Sasa Boo.

We also saw "helicrackers", but it was too dark to see any "rainbones". (Madeline Furry, 2006)

  • Maddy and I spent two hours outside this morning by walking and sitting on the bench. It was nice. She loves it and she can sit for a long time with little maintenance. She likes the birds the best. There are two pidgeons (owls) that are building a nest in the tree in front of our house. She was fascinated with their activity. I told them that they were going to have a baby. She knows about nests. I told her that our house is her nest and that she's our baby bird. It seemed really poignant at the time, but as I write this, it seems more sappy than anything.

I love you with all of my heart...

Friday, March 31, 2006

Seeing Double...

I got so lucky with you guys. I'm thricely blessed.
You guys are my triple rainbow.
I can't wait for Alaska. Let's try some salmon, even though we're not fish people (actually, you and Mabs are). Let's do karaoke on the boat. Let's take turns carrying Maddy up hiking trails to see amazing vistas.
I can't wait to see the rest of the world with you. This picture was taken in Hawaii. How does that sound? The Bahamas would be nice, too. :)
I love you, always...

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Peas, Peas, Peas...


It was another day of resistance from Madeline. She sat with her head turned to one side as if she was trying to smell the fabric of the chair cover. She would leer at me whenever I'd manuever the spoon near her face. Then she said what every parent hates to hear, "No." And then she would turn her head the other direction. She's got some resolve, I'll tell you.
She's turned into a picky eater. Maybe I've made her one with the incessant mac and cheese and quesadillas. I think if she ever sees another canned pea again, she'll go Regan on me. I don't blame her. This is what her lunch looked like on Monday. Or was it Tuesday?

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

Latest and Greatest: Maddy's Latest Words and Phrases
Bless you - she says this regarding anything from an actual sneeze to a throat clearing. She just wants to cover all the bases. If we forget to say "bless you" after she sneezes, she tells us about it.
Excuse me (or Fifi, as she pronounces it) - For when she farts and burps. She is also good about reminding others to excuse themselves.
An oldie, but a goodie is:
Truck (only she pronounces it as "CRAP") - A side story about this word: the morning of Richie's 36th birthday, I was recording a message for him on Maddy's 1st Birthday Bear. I started to sing the Happy Birthday song, which Maddy knows part of, when a truck drove by. She was so excited by the truck, that she shouted "Crap," while it was still recording. We clipped the wires on that bear so it couldn't be recorded over. She laughs every time she plays it because of how hard Sasa, Daddy and I laughed when I played it for them the first time.
God, I love this family. Thank you.
I love you, too...

Friday, March 03, 2006

Happy Birthdays



Today is the thirty-sixth birthday of my beautiful husband. He gets better every year. I know that sounds fake, but it's so true. I'm so lucky he was born and I got the chance to meet him through my brother. Everyday feels like my birthday since he came into my life...Awww.

Tomorrow is the second birthday of our beautiful daughter. She is also getting better, but she's also getting a little pissier, too. That's to be expected at this age. I don't know what my excuse is. I should have outgrown my pissiness by now since I have far exceeded the terrible twos.

Anyway, much love and beauty and happiness to two of my favorite people in the world.

With all the love in my heart...

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Another Milestone

February 11, 2005 was marked by a monumental milestone, so to speak. This was the day when Maddy said, "Poopoo" and it wasn't a false alarm. I rushed her to her plastic potty, tore off her diaper, sat her down on the seat and talked jibberish to her for about five minutes. She focused on my words and absentmindedly pushed the poop out. Daddy got the tail end of it on video, a family heirloom, needless to say.
Basketball no longer means a plastic ball in the laundry basket since Dadad went and bought our girl a real hoop. After we set it up in her room, she didn't want to leave it. She walked around the room gleefully shouting, "Basket-ball" over and over. She would run to the hoop and dunk it. She even tried a shot taking a step back, but not too far. She's only twenty-three and four-sevenths of a month old.
I love you always...

Friday, February 10, 2006

More Words

I just thought I'd post a couple of Maddy's new words or phrases.

Here word of the last few weeks was: Commie, which means come here.

This week's word is: Basketball, which means she wants to put some put balls in a laundry basket and swirl them around.
Thanks to Joe from Blue's Clues, she knows what a trapazoid is and knows how to make chartreuse from primary colours. Who says television isn't educational?

Sorry, I don't have much energy right now to type, but I do love you with all my heart.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Of Historical Significance

This was something I wrote in response to an old friend's email. I thought I'd share it because it's also historical:
Right now, I can hear my daughter wake from sleep. She's singing something indiscernible in false etto. She a regular PJ Harvey. She makes me proud. She catches a ball, knows all of her colors and animals (she also knows what sounds they make). Can fit together puzzles made for three year olds, she dances better than Ellen. She's got style I can't even imagine. She eats spinach. She's strong, beautiful and I have no doubt that she'll be a famous musician or athlete. And even if she isn't, she's the most amazing girl I've ever met.

Christian is doing well. Even though his diabetes is a "bummer" as you appropriately penned it, he's still trying not to let it get him down, but he's around teenagers at school and their favorite past times are listening to their IPODS and EATING, which makes him want to eat, too. It's to fit in, more than out of hunger. After school, on his bus, all of the kids break out food and share it. He admits that he's been partaking a little too much, which explains some of his high blood sugar readings. I tell him the dangers, he nods. He's sick of hearing it already. I tell him the benefits of not eating crap: longer life with limbs not amputated, functioning kidneys and eyes he can see out of. Not enough sometimes for a kid. That's what I have to remember. Even though he acts mature about some things, he's still my little boy. I'm going to slip some sugar free Cream Savers into his backpack that he can eat, so he doesn't feel left out.
He makes a comic called Nice Ninja Guy-all stick figures, but apparently, it's the writing that keeps them coming back. He puts the comic in comics. He likes to write, but is getting a C- in his writer's workshop class. He hates structure. He writes short stories at home. He likes to write about cars. That boy and his cars.
(This is to my Richie)
My family is so beautiful. I'm the luckiest girl, ever.
I love you .

Monday, January 23, 2006

My Little Wordsmiths


Maddy's words of the month are:

UH OH!
She still loves vacuum and yellow, but she really loves uh oh. She says it even when she does something thing right way. It's just fun for her to say. It's after one in the afternoon and I can hear her playing in her crib instead of taking a nap. All I have to say is, "Uh oh." I hope it's not a sign that she's outgrowing naps.
Christian's word of the month is:
TAMPON
Unfortunately, his word choice stemmed from an inappropriate comment I made while we were playing Pineapple one night with UM. Hilarity ensued when Sasa thought it was open season and told his thirty-five year old uncle to change his tampon.
Anyway, I should try to get some writing done, for what it's worth.
I love you with all that I am.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Anniversary of a Loss

Today is the day my grandmother died 12 years ago. I'm not overly sad today. I actually think about her everyday and I've been trying to focus on the positive things that she did for me. She did a lot. The negative things are irrelevant considering the life I have now. Sometimes the negative memories surface and I have to think about what she was dealing with: six (sometimes unruly, sometimes ungrateful, sometimes insolent) grandkids, hardly any outside help, rheumatioid arthritis, an alcoholic/dead daughter, an ailing/dead mother, an alcoholic/dead brother (whom she seemed close to), a custody battle for a child that seemed not much worth keeping at times, and continuous financial desperation. Geez, what a life. She took it all in stride and later, when I was older, her and I began to relate to her in a way that I had envied the others for my whole life. It was great, and then she died. This is life.
I miss her, but I always have her with me. She is part of me.
I'm on a posting every couple of weeks kick. There's a lot to write, but I haven't been feeling very prolific lately. Maybe it's the sad news on the homefront. Relatives with health issues. More reasons to be sad, but thankful at the same time.
It's frustrating when you want the best things for people, to see them get less. Sometimes it's not their fault. Sometimes they just are tired and settle for something less than they deserve. Sometimes they think they don't deserve anything good. That's my family's curse, I'm afraid.
Anyway, enough negativity. There is always hope. My life is filled with it thanks to Richie and the kids. They are my (as cliched as it is) beacon. A guiding light when everything around me gets dark. Thank you for your love, support and understanding (aka forgiving my witchy demeanor).
I love you all.